Demisexuality is a real sexual orientation that is often overlooked in discussions about queer sexuality but it is, nonetheless, real. Many identify with it and it even has its own flag!
So, What is Demisexuality?
Demisexuality is when sexual attraction is only felt for another person once a deep emotional bond is formed. The most common misconception that demis hear when they explain this, is: “That just means you’re normal but don’t want to have casual sex.” Not true. Demis could have as much casual sex as they want, but they are unlikely to feel any sexual attraction towards their partner.
Demisexuals sexual attraction is directly linked to the spiritual or mental connection they have with the other person. Because of that, demis are not restricted by things like age or gender when finding their partner. To put it plainly, demisexuals are asexual until they’re not. Or that’s how they like to put it.
Though demisexuals are an important part of the LGBTQ+ community, Hollywood is lacking an intentional portrayal of demisexual characters. In fact, there are no confirmed characters in the mainstream media who identify themselves as demisexual. But, the community does have its own theories of who they think could be demi. So, here’s a list of 5 TV and film characters who are believed to be demisexual.
1. Jamal Turner in On My Block
Jamal Turner is the hilarious fourth member of a close-knit group of LA teens who live in the rough neighborhood of Freeridge. Throughout the show, Jamal never has a love interest and isn’t especially bothered by it until season 3 when he meets Kendra, a girl who is admittedly obsessed with him.
At first, he is fine with Kendra using him for sex, but he soon realizes, “I’m one of those people who can’t enjoy sex unless I’m in love.” He apologizes to Kendra after his realisation and promptly ends things with her.
2. Theodore Twobly of Her
Source: Warner Bros. Pictures/Sony Pictures Releasing
The movie, Her, is about a man named Theodore Twobly who falls in love with his artificially intelligent operating system, Samantha. After a painful and unwanted divorce from his childhood sweetheart, Theodore rejects the idea of ever dating anyone else. But when Samantha enters the picture, he finds that he’s spending every minute of the day talking with her about work, life, relationships, etc.
Their connection soon blossoms into love, with Theodore admitting that when he’s with her, he feels at peace. Eventually, he wants to become intimate with Samantha and they try to forge a sexual relationship that doesn’t work out for obvious reasons. But, Theodore’s attraction to Samantha stemmed from his mental connection with her and he could therefore be considered demisexual.
3. Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory
Source: Warner Bros. Television Distribution
The creators of The Big Bang Theory may have stated that Sheldon Cooper is asexual but the demisexual community wants to claim him as their own.
Sheldon Cooper is a stereotypically nerdy theoretical physicist who has trouble forming relationships with people and has awkward social tendencies. In season 3, he begins dating Amy Farrah Fowler who he initially seems to feel no attraction for. But eventually, after years of dating, Sheldon and Amy have sex. While lying in bed afterwards, he states with satisfaction, “I enjoyed that more than I thought I would.”
Then, in the final season of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon is kissed by a female colleague and realizes that it doesn’t make him feel the same way it does when he kisses Amy. The next day, Sheldon proposes to Amy declaring: “You’re the only woman I want to kiss for the rest of my life.” This leads many people to believe that Sheldon is more of a demisexual character than asexual, as the creators claim.
4. Jaime Lannister in Game of Thrones
Source: Warner Bros. Television Distribution
It may seem strange to include Jaime Lannister in this list because he spends the majority of the show in a sexual relationship with his sister, Cersei. Despite this, he may still have the makings of a demisexual.
For one, the show is known for the promiscuity of its characters and the strong sexual depictions that propel the storyline, but Jaime is uniquely only interested in Cersei. He even reveals that Cersei is the only woman he’s ever slept with.
We can’t imagine it’s because there is a lack of women for the eldest son of House Lannister to choose from. The only other woman that he has relations with in the series is Brienne of Tarth and this only occurs after the two have forged a relationship through shared traumas and working side by side.
5. Cher in Clueless
Source: Paramount Pictures
The titular 90’s “it” girl, Cher, from the movie Clueless is totally demi.
Some people will object to this because of her pursuit of Christian, the fashion-obsessed new guy at school. But she seems to want him more because she is visually attracted to him rather than sexually attracted to him.
It can also be argued that she only wanted him as a boyfriend because her two best friends Tai and Dionne made her feel weird about her lack of experience. When questioned about why she’s still a virgin, her response is “you say that like it’s a bad thing.” This shows her indifference towards being sexually active. Of course, we all know what happens next, she realizes that she’s in love with her ex-step brother, Josh a.k.a. Paul Rudd and voila, a happy ending!
It’s hard to tell when a character is demisexual. The person can easily be written off as a romantic or just disinterested in sex. Hopefully, Hollywood will be able to define their demisexual characters more clearly in the future and we can get a greater representation of proud demisexuals on-screen.
Written by Jada Davis